Husband, Father, and Wholly Mess

** This is the final entry of the Christian male in the 21st century America. This demographic has been well discussed for it’s lack of performance and success of being all they should be. Some of it justified. Some of it not. I think we have gotten the message wrong. That Christianity is about the betterment of the Christian and not Christ crucified. I don’t think we are doing this right … and I have something to rant, as it were.**


I’m 49 years old, been married 20 years, and have 3 children. I am self-employed and have been a Christian for 25 years. Although, that last one could only be a year … I don’t know. Here are some other things I don’t know: How to be the perfect husband, be the best dad, and a good Christian. I didn’t write these entries on the Christian male in 21st century America, because I figured it out or stumbled upon the secret formula. I wrote this series because there isn’t any perfect husbands, great dads, or good Christians and we are being told — directly or indirectly — something to the contrary. We are being told that we have no idea what a Biblical man is and that we have bought into some culture philosophy that has stripped us of our masculinity and to be perfectly frank … I’m over it. Every time I hear someone explain what a Biblical man looks like it usually involves me increasing my spiritual performance and has zero to do with Christ’s performance for me … which is the only thing that propels me to loving my neighbor.
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“It’s in the classroom of failure that the fog around the Parables begins to clear and when the fog lifts … what is clear is God loves sinners.” -Brooks. “Like David, we are often shocked by the depth of our sin. Thankfully, we are continually shocked by the depth of God’s mercy. ” (2 Samuel 12:13). -Lannon. We have seen that the message of Jesus and the entire Bible, is the grace of God to sinners and sufferers … We hide; God seeks. That’s the Bible. He’s relentless in His pursuit … The Bible is the story of God’s gracious truth eclipsing man kind’s hopeless delusions … Goff. Given time, you will eventually abandon every proposition that you were scared into believing. Only God’s grace sets the captives free … Breathe …

** This is part 3 of a 4 part blog series on the American Christian male in the 21st century. The Church has spent a lot of time on the failure of the role of the man in the family and the lack of proper parenting skills of this maligned specie. This is a touchy subject … and I’m convinced we are not doing it right. Father-child relations are failing and I think I have an idea why. I’m a husband, father, and wholly mess … Can I get a witness? **

“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” Colossians 3:21

“Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:3


This is not only a difficult subject matter, but a rather immense and convoluted one. Not all of us have had fond memories of our dad. Some of us have never had a relationship with our dad. I understand and appreciate all the different nuances of this relationship and acknowledge that there is no possible way to address theses issues in a blog sized bite. So I won’t. I have a more specific rant, as it were …
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** This is part 2 of a 4 blog series concerning the Christian man in the 21st century church. Marriages are dissolving at a record pace in the church. Although, not the exclusive reason, I believe I know what may be contributing to this rapid decline in marital bliss. I’m a husband, father, and wholly mess … Can I get a witness?

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her …” Ephesians 5:25

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman …” 1 Peter 3:7


“We need a break.” Those words from my wife hit me like a sledgehammer. Every insecurity and defense mechanism in my being hit full alert. Did I even hear that right? What the hell just happened?
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** This is the first of a four part blog entry concerning the Christian male in 21st Century America. A lot has been said about the leadership or lack thereof, concerning this demographic of the church. There has also been much criticism and blame for the success or failure of the family placed on this beleaguered specie. As a member of this much maligned group, I have something to say. Or rant, as it were. Oh … and it’s probably not what you think. **


You want to know the three words that strike dread in many Christian males in America? Mens’ Bible Study. I’ve seen these three words have the power to turn a 40 year old man into the busiest person in town and watch as they become reminiscent of a 15 year old school boy providing excuse after excuse on why they cannot turn in their homework for the day. These three words have the power to produce a terrible sickness that can flatten a perfectly healthy man for seven whole weeks, ( or for as long as the study lasts). But..we have and will go at times. I mean, we have to … right? I AM a Christian, after all. And I am a man. Any self-professing Christian male would welcome a time to be … um well, more Christian and man-ish … right? Then why is it that I really have no desire to meet at 7:00am on a Saturday and eat cold pancakes? I mean, other than it’s 7:00am on a Saturday to eat cold pancakes. I don’t have much authority to speak on many things in this world. But being a member of this much debated and often misunderstood group, this is right in my wheelhouse and I am not alone. Let me explain.
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